The songs I cannot sing

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I was recently--and poingantly--reminded of how much my Father in Heaven really does look out for me, so I thought I'd share.

I have loved my institute class this semester.  I've learned so much, and had so many sacred experiences, that I've never wanted to miss a class (though there have been plenty of excuses to).  This class has completely changed how I look at the scriptures; especially the Old Testament.

Yet...somehow, my teacher and I have not always seemed to get along.  Some of his teaching methods (Socratic) bug me a little, and sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't appreciate my comments in class (I tend to speak my mind without thinking about it first).  A week ago, he reacted to one of my comments--I thought--a bit sarcastically, and I was really hurt by it.  This week, for the first time, I considered skipping class for some much-needed sleep, because I was still a little upset.  I did end up going, though, because I felt the need to have some spiritual time in my crazy stressful schedule, and I figured that the Spirit could teach me through anyone, if I took the trouble to listen.

The scripture thought that was given before class was Ether 12:27.  It kinda hit me hard.  I realized that the reason I was upset was because my pride had been hurt, and that I was the one closing myself off to the Spirit by inulging in pride and self-pity.  I could barely look up through the lesson as I struggled to let go of my indignance and humble myself to just learn what Bro. Schank had to teach.  I spent most of the class writing notes and my own thoughts on how to school my feelings.

After class, Bro. Schank asked why I had been so quiet.  "I just have a lot on my mind." I said.  He accepted the answer, and I was about to leave when he stopped me.  He told me that he really appreciates the comments I give in class; he felt that they were always very thoughtful and insightful.  He also said that he thought I really seemed to get what he was trying to teach in his lessons.  I was suprised, but my heart told me that he had been moved by the Spirit to share this with me.  I realized that this was in answer to the unspoken prayer I had had in my heart while I was writing.  I had wanted to feel that my presence in class was welcome, and I had wanted to be able to let go of the hurt I was holding on to.  Bro. Schank's admission washed away my bitter-ness, and I felt that Heavenly Father wanted me to know--through his words--that I was worthwhile.

I felt very cared for at that moment.  It reminded me of the words of a hymn:

And Jesus, listening, can hear the songs I cannot sing.

My Heavenly Father knows me so well, and he knows just what I need.  I can't go in to all the detail of why this answer to my prayer was so perfectly what I needed at that moment, because I'm not that skilled as a writer (and I need to go to bed), but I can say that it was tailor-made for what I was thinking about and feeling.  It amazes me how much God loves me, and how much he cares about me and my little personal struggles.  He really knows me.  After days like this, I wonder that I ever doubt that. 

Loving the Opera

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Rehearsals for L'Incoronazione di Poppea are now in full swing, and it is awesome to be able to work with such talented and wonderful people.  Really, the singers are so warm and friendly--and just beautiful to listen to.  Who would have thought that 350yr-old music could still give me goosebumps?

Jeffrey Price, our musical director/conductor is a bastion of musical knowledge and ability.  I learn something every day from him.  Today, it was the correct accenting of hemiola in a score that was written with no time signatures.  Our production crew, Stage Manager Heather Meyers and ASM's Ryan Smythe and Passion Garcia are truly dedicated to the production.  It is a joy working with them. (and sharing caramel corn, umbrellas, and akward moment stories ; )

Most of all, I am inspired by our director, Michael Scarola.  It is rare to find such a genuinely warm and caring human being.  He is teaching me so much about how to encourage the artistry in each performer.  He never criticises anyone, but pays them the compliment of regarding all their actions in rehearsal as artistic choices.  He discusses these with the singers and offers them ways to "play" or to challenge themselves with their acting rather than trying to control or micro-manage the development of their character.  He has a great eye for how to get things working well onstage and a great sense of who needs to be gently guided forward in their progression as an actor, and who needs a little more of a kick! 

Michael has been very encouraging to me too (something I've been needing at the end of a very stressful school year!).  When he took a short hiatus from Poppea to jump into Arizona Opera's Abduction From the Seraglio at the last minute this week, I took over running rehearsals.  The cast did great work while the director was away, and were very open (and patient!) with what guidance I felt I could give them.  I was nervous for him to come back and see the small changes we'd made as things smoothed out a bit.  I normally would not presume to change blocking the director had specifically set, but there was a moment between Nerone and Poppea that just wasn't working.  When Michael saw what we had done with it, he loved it!  He said he'd been thinking about that moment all week, and that what we had done to change it was exactly what he was planning to do.  I was so greatful for that validation, and for the trust he put in me.

All-in-all a very successful evening, even with the crazy weather.

A Reason

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In the words of Samwise Gamgee: "There is good in this world, Mr. Frodo--and it's worth fightin' for!"