The songs I cannot sing

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I was recently--and poingantly--reminded of how much my Father in Heaven really does look out for me, so I thought I'd share.

I have loved my institute class this semester.  I've learned so much, and had so many sacred experiences, that I've never wanted to miss a class (though there have been plenty of excuses to).  This class has completely changed how I look at the scriptures; especially the Old Testament.

Yet...somehow, my teacher and I have not always seemed to get along.  Some of his teaching methods (Socratic) bug me a little, and sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't appreciate my comments in class (I tend to speak my mind without thinking about it first).  A week ago, he reacted to one of my comments--I thought--a bit sarcastically, and I was really hurt by it.  This week, for the first time, I considered skipping class for some much-needed sleep, because I was still a little upset.  I did end up going, though, because I felt the need to have some spiritual time in my crazy stressful schedule, and I figured that the Spirit could teach me through anyone, if I took the trouble to listen.

The scripture thought that was given before class was Ether 12:27.  It kinda hit me hard.  I realized that the reason I was upset was because my pride had been hurt, and that I was the one closing myself off to the Spirit by inulging in pride and self-pity.  I could barely look up through the lesson as I struggled to let go of my indignance and humble myself to just learn what Bro. Schank had to teach.  I spent most of the class writing notes and my own thoughts on how to school my feelings.

After class, Bro. Schank asked why I had been so quiet.  "I just have a lot on my mind." I said.  He accepted the answer, and I was about to leave when he stopped me.  He told me that he really appreciates the comments I give in class; he felt that they were always very thoughtful and insightful.  He also said that he thought I really seemed to get what he was trying to teach in his lessons.  I was suprised, but my heart told me that he had been moved by the Spirit to share this with me.  I realized that this was in answer to the unspoken prayer I had had in my heart while I was writing.  I had wanted to feel that my presence in class was welcome, and I had wanted to be able to let go of the hurt I was holding on to.  Bro. Schank's admission washed away my bitter-ness, and I felt that Heavenly Father wanted me to know--through his words--that I was worthwhile.

I felt very cared for at that moment.  It reminded me of the words of a hymn:

And Jesus, listening, can hear the songs I cannot sing.

My Heavenly Father knows me so well, and he knows just what I need.  I can't go in to all the detail of why this answer to my prayer was so perfectly what I needed at that moment, because I'm not that skilled as a writer (and I need to go to bed), but I can say that it was tailor-made for what I was thinking about and feeling.  It amazes me how much God loves me, and how much he cares about me and my little personal struggles.  He really knows me.  After days like this, I wonder that I ever doubt that.